Starting September 14, General Motors is offering a 60-day satisfaction guarantee on any new 2009 or 2010 Chevy, Buick, GMC or Cadillac purchased between now and November 30th. The president of GM in a TV commercial says, “and if you’re not 100% happy, return it, we’ll take it back.”

You must keep the car for at least 30 days, and then you have another 30 days to return it. Don’t expect to get 100% of your money back, but pretty close.

*MOUSE PRINT: Among the many requirements are these:

• Buyback Price means the actual price you paid to the Participating Dealer for the Eligible Vehicle itself (after any rebates, discounts, employee discounts, or supplier discounts) plus applicable sales taxes you actually paid.
• The Buyback Price does not include the costs of any taxes (other than sales taxes), licensing, titling or registration fees, insurance, dealer installed accessories, aftermarket products or add-on equipment (other than factory options ordered with the vehicle), dealer fees of any kind, ancillary products including without limitation extended warranties or service contracts, finance charges, any negative equity (the amount by which a loan on a trade-in vehicle exceeds the dealer’s purchase price for the trade-in) or any other expenses incurred by the Buyer in relation to taking delivery of the Eligible Vehicle.
• Your Eligible Vehicle’s odometer must not have more than 4,000 miles since the Delivery Date.
• Your Eligible Vehicle must have been registered and insured in the Buyer’s name since the Delivery Date.
• Your Eligible Vehicle must have no more than $200 of damage as determined by GM or GM’s agent. Such damage may include, without limitation, internal or external scratches, scrapes, dents, odors, rips, burns, etc.
• Your vehicle must NOT be registered to a business, corporation, partnership, utility, federal, state or local government, rental car company or any other organization;
• You cannot return an Eligible Vehicle and repurchase a vehicle you traded-in when you purchased the Eligible Vehicle;
• You cannot trade in an Eligible Vehicle and then repurchase it later.
• You cannot sue GM over this program — arbitration only.

All in all, GM’s offer is advertised in a straightforward manner, and the “details” are consistent with the promises made and are not unreasonable (but for getting zero back on dealer-added options, accessories, and extended warranties).

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See post below for update on the T-Mobile fee for paper bills.

Anticipating the rollout of the “Cash for Clunkers” program, Smart USA is offering a $99 a month deal on its tiny Smart fortwo car.

All you have to do is buy a Smart car (which lists for $13,335), apply the $4500 government subsidy, accept financing of 5.9%, and you get to pay only $99 a month.

Oh… one other thing… buried in the footnote.

*MOUSE PRINT:

$99 monthly payment based on customer trade-in of an eligible vehicle qualifying for the CARS $4,500 voucher level and a 36-month balloon loan with $0 cash due at signing and a final balloon payment of $6,667 [emphasis added] at the end of the loan term and a $13,335 MSRP which includes the destination charge and excludes tax, title and dealer fees. 5.9% APR financing for 36 months at $11.32 per month, per $1,000 financed.

Sounds like the tricky financing that got some homeowners in trouble.

As it turns out, the deal was too good to be true, and thousands of consumers received nothing after submitting receipts month after month.  Complaints flowed into Florida’s Attorney General, and he filed suit last February against Tidewater Marketing, the company behind the promotion.  Many different retailers around the country advertised similar $500 free gas promotions, including some tire stores.

Now, a group of tire retailers that offered the promotion – Tire Kingdom, NTB (National Tire & Battery), and Big O Tires — is trying to make good with their customers.  They are offering restitution to customers who received a free gas certificate from them after buying a set of tires between certain dates in 2007 and 2008.

Those customers have their choice of receiving a $100 Visa prepaid card immediately, or they can participate in an alternative $500 of free gas promotion since they “retained a [different] vendor that we are confident will meet our standards and your expectations.”

Why are these tire stores doing this?  Maybe they have a conscience, and want to maintain their goodwill with customers.  Or maybe it is this:

*MOUSE PRINT:

NTB is offering these programs to resolve any claim that you may have with respect to the Tidewater $500 Gas Program. If you participate, you will have to agree that the new program is a substitute for whatever rights you may have had in connection with the Tidewater program. This will include releasing NTB and Tire Kingdom from any claims that you may have had as a result of the Tidewater program. This release is an integral part of the offer.

So, you have to sign a release and agree to drop any claims you have or could have against them arising out of the original promotion.  For Big O Tires, their motive is a little more immediate:

*MOUSE PRINT:

If you decide to participate in this alternate program that Big O Tires is offering in this letter, you will be giving up your ability to join the class action (should the Court decide to certify a class), as well as giving up your rights to bring a claim against Big O Tires or BOTK for claims involving the Tidewater Global Marketing program.

A consumer filed a class action against Big O Tire, and is awaiting court approval certifying the class.

In any event, although the offers being made to compensate customers are a bit self-serving, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.  Take whichever deal you prefer (noting that even with a different vendor, giving you $500 of free gas over the next 20 months is still a seemingly economically infeasible offer for the promotion company).  The deadline for signing up for the alternate program is May 15… so hurry.

Information and claim forms are here:  Big O Tires and Tire Kingdom/NTB.

“Right now, buy any new Hyundai. And if, in the next year, you lose your income, we’ll let you return it.” (There is unreadable mouse print in the ad when those words are spoken.)

While this may sound like a refund program to some, it is not.

*MOUSE PRINT:

This is actually a lease cancellation or loan cancellation program, and does not apply to customers who buy their cars outright.  In essence, they will let you return the car, under six specific circumstances, and will cancel your continued indebtedness.  There is no refund of any money.

In particular, they look at what your car is worth when you turn it in, and compare it to what you owe.  Hyundai will waive up to a $7500 difference, and you have to pay the rest.

Under what circumstances can you return the car?  These are the six reasons:

Involuntary unemployment, physical disability, loss of driver’s license, international employment transfer, self-employment personal bankruptcy, and accident death.

Written like an insurance policy, each of these reasons has a list of limiting qualifications. For example, to qualify for the unemployment benefit, you have to be employed full time for at least three months before and after the policy begins; you have to be approved for state unemployment insurance (or an alternative option); you can’t be self-employed, have retired or resigned, or have gotten a new job; etc.

How does Mouse Print* know all these deep details?  Certainly not from watching Hyundai’s television commercial or reading their website set up specifically for this program.  When Mouse Print* asked the plan administrator for all the terms and conditions and legalese, we were directed to go to any Hyundai dealer.  Calling a nearby dealer, the sales manager acknowledged he did not yet have the terms and conditions to give to customers and only had a flowery brochure.  Even initial contact with Hyundai’s press relations folks turned into a dead end.  Finally, a copy of the terms and conditions  [pdf] was provided by the plan administrator’s PR person.

No potential customer who is going to spend $15,000, $20,000, $30,000 or more should have to beg and grovel with company officials to learn the details of a program being promoted via a multi-million dollar ad campaign.  In the end, if you meet the nitpicky qualifications, this is a good bit of free (non) insurance to have when buying a new car given our uncertain times.

When it comes to shopping for travel, the price that catches your eye is not always the price you pay. And rarely is it lower than advertised.

Hotwire.com is a site that offers discounted airfares, hotel, and car reservations by not disclosing what airline, hotel or car rental agency you are contracting for until after you pay. (It is like Priceline without the price guessing games.)

On it website, Hotwire advertised car rental rates as low as “$13.95 with no hidden fees.”  Just beneath that it listed Boston with rates as low as $5.95. What a deal!  Clicking on that link brings up the typical pricing form where you enter dates of travel.

For a one day rental from March 28 to March 29, the system returned the following price:

Yes, it is $3 higher than the lowest price, but it still a great deal. The asterisk after “$8.95 per day” goes to this:

*MOUSE PRINT: 

* Rates are shown in US dollars. Total cost for Hotwire Discount rates includes applicable tax recovery charges and fees.

Indeed, this is more good news — $8.95 is price you really pay. Or is it?

*MOUSE PRINT: On the next screen, the truth is revealed:

Adding the taxes and fees makes the total cost of the car triple the advertised price!

Unfortunately, the problem of advertising incomplete prices is not limited to Hotwire. Most car rental companies, airlines, cell providers, and cable companies attract you with seemingly low priced packages only to relegate to the fine print or your first bill what the true total and complete price really is.

All these services have extraordinarily high fees, charges, and taxes added to the promoted price which can bring the total to 30%, 40% or more than advertised. Here’s a novel idea: companies should make the price you see be the price you pay!