Lock manufacturer Schlage has just begun an advertising campaign on TV promoting a new front door lock that can be unlocked remotedly.  Their commercial depicts a homeowner in Seattle unlocking a door far away for a friend just by pressing a few button on his cell phone.

*MOUSE PRINT: In case you didn’t catch that fine print disclosure on the bottom of the screen, it said:

“Monthly fee is required for the remote featured benefits. Product is simulated and requires additional third party equipment and service for proper functioning.”

A monthly fee to unlock your front door in an emergency? What will they think of next? And the cost here is key — $12.99 a month. That’s not insignificant. What’s wrong with the old-fashioned way — keeping a spare key in the flower pot — and that’s free?

As to what else you need to make this work:

– a compatible cell phone with Internet access (or remote computer);
– a Schlage Link bridge — a device that sends wireless signals to the lock
– an Internet router — you plug the bridge into the router
– a live broadband Internet connection

The lock pictured in their commercial, incidentally, is just a latch type lock. If you want a deadbolt, which provides more security for your home, it does not lock/unlock remotely as depicted in the commercial.

*MOUSE PRINT: From Schlage’s FAQ:

“For the Schlage Wireless Deadbolt, however, you can remotely activate the lock which makes it possible for the door to be unlocked by someone turning the outside thumbturn. Since door frames aren’t always aligned and a deadbolt can require more leverage to engage or disengage, the deadbolt requires manual operation.”

The starter kit that Schlage sells is $299.

Weight Watchers just started a new advertising campaign promising a free month of service.

In two different TV commercials the company promotes a “free month”. In one, this is what the narrator says:

“In the time it takes you to watch a bad reality show, you can learn to switch off hungry and lose weight. Right now Weight Watchers is offering a whole month free. Join and get a month of unlimited meetings with online tools so all you need is 45 minutes a week, to take control, turn hungry off, and turn weight loss on. The free month offer is only available for a limited time, so join today. Hurry registration is free too. Weight Watchers. Stop dieting, start living.” [red color added]

*MOUSE PRINT: In the first TV commercial, the fine print disclosure on the screen for approximately three seconds says:

*Must buy first month of monthly pass to get free second month. Automatically renews each month until you cancel. Not available in AZ, HI, AR, TN and other nonparticipating franchise areas. Offer ends 10/17/09.

In another TV commercial, the company promotes a free month of Weight Watchers online:

*MOUSE PRINT: As the announcer is saying “sign up now and get one month free” a fine print disclosure in the commercial reads:

*Must purchase a 3 month subscription to Weight Watchers Online to get your 4th month free.

Finally, here is the promotion for a free month as it appears on the homepage of their website:

*MOUSE PRINT: The footnotes on the Weight Watcher’s website tell the full story and disclose this (actual size):

The offer is really “buy one month, get one free” or “buy three months, get the 4th month free.”  That is far different from the impression created that the company is giving away a free month period.  “Get a free month” and “Buy X months, get one free” are two completely different offers. The TV commercials make no oral disclosure at all about a purchase requirement.  All they talk about is getting a free month. 

Particularly for a program that is not selling food, but rather just offering meetings and guidance, the concept of getting a month free without strings is certainly plausible.  (Bally gives away one or two months free every winter, with no purchase requirement.)

Can’t companies play it straight and stop advertising “FREE” but somehow forget to clearly mention the required “BUY” part of an offer in the same breath?

[The Vice President of Public Relations for Weight Watchers International did not respond to a written request for comment for this story.]

Many sites offer reward programs for clicking on links to retailers from their site (eBates, for example). Typically, you are offered a reward or rebate equal to 1%, 2%, 5% or more of the purchase price of items you buy through those links.

Now comes uTango which promises (with their fingers crossed) to pay you up to $1,000,000 for shopping on their site. A million dollars!?

What’s the catch? (As if there was only one.)

*MOUSE PRINT:

Members can earn … extraordinary LifeStage Cash Rewards up to … $1 Million at 30 years [emphasis added] in return for your long-term loyalty.

That’s right, if you want to earn the million dollars, you have to sign up for a 30-year plan. After 30 years of faithful compliance, your money will be paid out as an annuity over 10 more years. So, how much do you have to buy per year to qualify for the million buck rebate?

*MOUSE PRINT:

They say you have to spend roughly $20,000 a year through their site in order to collect the required 120,000 points annually. Given that 40% of consumers can’t even follow through to mail in a simple rebate form for items they buy now, what are the odds that shoppers can follow through on this scheme for 30 years?

Just to make sure the company doesn’t have to pay out a lot of money 10, 20, or 30 years from now, they have a few other strings in their program rules and member agreement that could trip you up.

*MOUSE PRINT: (paraphrasing)

To qualify for the 10, 20, and 30 year bonuses, members must be married, and they have to sign up for the program when they have been married for less than three years.

To remain eligible for the big payouts, married members must “Stay Married for the duration of the LifeStage Rewards Plan. ”

If the couple fails to earn the required number of points for two consecutive years, they can be deactivated from the program.

And just in case the 50% divorce rate, and the expensive task of always earning 120,000 points a year (which can be adjusted upward for inflation, believe it or not) isn’t enough to disqualify you, they have two final tricks up their sleeve.

*MOUSE PRINT:

The program is subject to “change at anytime” and

“REWARDS UNDER THE PROGRAM ARE NOT GUARANTEED”

With so much at stake, and so many potential pitfalls, not the least of which is whether this company will be around 30 years from now, you might better utilize the cash back provisions of other reward programs that pay you back shortly after you make a purchase.

Update: The above story was written in September 2008. As of January 31, 2009, the announcement below is posted on the uTango website:

For this holiday week, a change of pace to a lighter subject. Most people don’t read the credits at the end of television programs. Even fewer folks have probably noticed what appears to be a screen full of boilerplate language at the end of the CBS programs “Two and a Half Men” and “The Big Bang Theory.”  The microtype fills the screen and only appears for two seconds.  No one can read it, even if they wanted to, unless you can freeze frame that moment on the screen.

While the casual observer may have assumed this was some type of elaborate copyright notice, in fact, the screens of tiny white letters on a black background are called “vanity cards” authored by the show’s executive producer, Chuck Lorre.  And they change every week.

Here is the very first one he wrote in 1997 when he produced the show Dharma and Greg:

*MOUSE PRINT:

Mr. Lorre has now authored over 200 of these vanity cards, that range from Seinfeldian rants about nothing, to chiding the brass at CBS for some slight, and everything in between.

Even the Wall Street Journal noticed his two-second treatises and wrote a story about them.  For a slide show of a few vanity cards, click here. His entire collection of vanity cards is immortalized on Chuck Lorre’s own website.  Enjoy.

Newpro is a brand of replacement windows that relies on salespeople coming to the house and demonstrating the product.  There are many stories online about aggressive sales pitches and outrageous initial price quotes.  One person was quoted $17,000 for 12 windows, another was told the price was $29,000 for 17 windows.  Borrowing from the timeshare salesperson’s book of tricks, the window pitchman typically checks with his boss, and gets permission to lower the price several thousand dollars.  The price still remains quite high, according to reports.

But that is not what this week’s Mouse Print* is about.  It is about the 40% fuel savings guarantee that Newpro advertises on TV and on the Internet.

On their website, Newpro elaborates on their promise that you will “Save 40% on your Home Heating Costs — Guaranteed!*”

So far, so good, (except for having to replace all the windows in your house) until you follow the asterisk to the footnote:

*MOUSE PRINT:

**Restrictions apply. Fuel Savings Guarantee applies to homes where all windows are replaced with Newpro 2000 Windows. $500 limit applies. See Newpro Associate for details.

A $500 maximum?  If the windows did not reduce your fuel costs at all, in order to earn the maximum refund, your heating costs could be no higher than $1250 a year. ($1250 x 40% = $500).  For most homes, you probably pay much more than that annually for heat. Another example:  if your fuel costs were $3000 last winter, and you only experienced a 20% reduction this coming season, you would only qualify for $500 of the $600 you were owed.

While the 40% fuel savings claim is a great marketing tool, by limiting the refund to $500 and only making it apply for the first year, your new Newpro windows may not ultimately save you as much money over their life as you might expect. 

The even deeper details  say they do not calculate your refund based on the costs of heating from last year to this, but rather on your consumption (with oil falling in price, this is a good thing). Additionally, only their high-end windows qualify. And, if it is a really cold winter this year (”abnormal weather conditions”), the claim will be reduced.

So if you plan to make a $10,000, $20,000 or $30,000 purchase of new windows, keep in mind that a possible refund of $500 is miniscule in comparison, for what many say are grossly overpriced windows.