Thanks for Nothing — Fall 2021

We continue our series of little annoyances about ads and offers that are often real head-scratchers and might make you chuckle.

Example #1 — $10 Off at Amazon

MrConsumer recently received an email from Amazon with a genuinely great-sounding offer that promised $10 off if you tried their delivery service that sends your order to a pick-up location rather than to your home.

Amazon $10 off

The email had a time-stamp of 6:21 p.m. Coincidentally, I was checking email when the offer came in and immediately clicked the “Claim $10 off now” button. The result:

Offer over

What? Offer over? It arrived in my mailbox less than a minute earlier.

*MOUSE PRINT:

Offer limited

So this was a speed test? I had to click even faster than less than a minute after receipt? Thanks for nothing, Amazon.


Example #2 — Pants Under $5 at Gap

It looked like such a great deal — a pair of Dockers slacks for less than $10 and with a coupon, the price came down to $4.97. Who could resist? The disclosure at the bottom of the ad killed the deal.

*MOUSE PRINT:

Gap pants deal

What? Order the pants in October but they won’t arrive until February … if you’re lucky? Thanks for nothing, Gap.


Example #3 — Advertorials Fool Google News

When searching Google News for consumer stories one expects to find legitimate consumer news. But, here’s an excerpt from one recent search.

Google News

*MOUSE PRINT:

All three of these “stories” appeared at local newspaper sites around the country but are really advertisements for keto and CBD pills masquerading as reviews of these products. They were able to fool Google’s algorithm that presumably tries to distinguish between bona fide news and advertisements. (And if you think Bing is any better, think again.) Thanks for nothing, Google (and Bing).


Example #4 — Proof Apple Products Are Overpriced

Apple products tend to be very expensive whether it is a new iPhone for over $1,000 or one of their new laptops just unveiled last week for about $2,500. Also introduced was this polishing cloth said to be good for cleaning all Apple display screens.

Apple cloth

Of course, you should only use genuine Apple accessories with your Apple products. And at “only $19,” imagine the profit that Apple is making on this schmatta (Yiddish for “little piece of cloth or rag”). Thanks for nothing, Apple.


Example #5 — Hanukkah, Passover, It’s All the Same

Speaking of Yiddish, for some people, it is hard to keep all the Jewish holidays straight in their mind. But those folks are the last ones who should design Jewish-themed products or advertise chazarai (Yiddish for “junk”) like this on a national website.

chazarai pillow

Thanks for nothing, Bed, Bath & Beyond and Designs Direct. But do enjoy Hanukkah in December, and Passover (“why is this night…”) in April.


If you find an example of an offer suitable for our “Thanks for Nothing” series, please email it to edgar (at symbol) MousePrint.org . Thanks.

Apple’s New OS Predicts Your Impending Death

The new Mac operating system dubbed “Monterey” debuts this week, but apparently not all its new features will be ready for release until later this fall. And that delay has led to the unfortunate placement of an asterisk in their promotional material.

One improvement being made is an enhancement to Apple ID which will help a family member or loved one access your account in case you suddenly pass away without having left your password behind.

Apple death

That little asterisk at the end, however, has sent a chill through Mac owners’ bones and created a sense of sudden urgency. Down the page, it leads to this surprising disclosure.

*MOUSE PRINT:

Apple death coming soon

What does Apple know that even your doctor doesn’t?

Mercedes Promotes New Automatic Valet Parking Feature, But…

Mercedes is introducing a new high-end feature to its luxury vehicles called Intelligent Park Pilot. And just as the name suggests, when you engage the system, the car will find its way to the hotel, airport, or restaurant parking garage on its own.

To introduce the new technology, Mercedes created a commercial capturing something we have always wondered about — what do parking valets really do with your car when you hand them the keys?

This commercial shows them joyriding, speeding, and making daring moves all while you are eating a peaceful dinner somewhere and none the wiser.

The clincher in the commercial is the following disclosure about the automatic parking system.

*MOUSE PRINT:

Mercedes

So we’ll just have to wait until roads and garages get smart enough to safely guide cars with automated valet parking to a parking spot, and driving laws allow unattended systems like this.