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John Morrell Cooked Ham: Where’s the Beef?

john morrell ham small

Remember Clara Peller?  Some two decades ago, this cranky senior citizen was featured in television commercials for Wendy’s where she criticized competitors’ skimpy hamburgers by shouting “Where’s the beef?” [see commercial]

Well, we may have to contact John Edward (the psychic medium who speaks to the dead) to summon Ms. Peller and have her rephrase the question to “Where’s the ham?”

This package of John Morrell Cooked Ham above was quite a bargain — only $2.50 for a pound. It looks very lean. It says it is 96% fat free. What could be bad?

Under “Cooked Ham” there are more words that finish the actual name of the product: “and Water Product.”  And below that is yet a further explanation:

*MOUSE PRINT: “35% of Weight is Added Ingredients”

What’s added? According to the ingredients statement, it also contains water, dextrose, salt, and five types of sodium. But could over one-third of this product really be water and additives?  MrConsumer asked John Morrell for an explanation, and got this response:

The ham and water product is 35% added ingredients of ground ham shank and ham. This is not 35% of added “other ingredients” or “water and chemicals”.

Huh? What happened to the water listed right there on the label…twice?  So MrConsumer asked how much water was in the product. The response: “Cured in a solution of 79% water.”

We are not making progress. So MrConsumer asked again, “In my package there is 16 oz (1 pound) of ham product. What percentage of the contents of that package is water?”  Their response:

You have 1# of meat as the pkg states. When the ham is processed and cured it will weigh more then 1#. It is allowed to “drain” until the ideal weight of 1# is reached. So the meat is 1# but the solution is drained to get to that weight. Does that make since now?

No, it still doesn’t make sense, so MrConsumer thought he should consult the Department of Agriculture which probably had a standard of identity for “Cooked Ham and Water Product.” (A standard of identity sets out a legal definition of what has to be in a food product to use a particular product description.)

As it turns out, cooked ham can be sold under four different names: “cooked ham”, “cooked ham with natural juices”, “cooked ham, water added”, and “cooked ham and water product — x% of weight is added ingredients.”  As you go down the list of names, less and less real meat protein (“minimum meat PFF percentage”) has to be in the product. For cooked ham and water product, the minimum meat PFF is less than 17%. [See: http://www.cfsan.fda.gov/~lrd/9CF319.html ]

The technical definition of PFF is quite complex, so MrConsumer asked the Department of Agriculture to put it in plain English and indicate whether the “less than 17%” rule meant the product could really have less than 17% ham. The answer from the USDA (received seven weeks after asking):

The protein fat free percentage (PFF) is the meat protein content indigenous to the raw, unprocessed pork cut expressed as a percent of the non-fat portion of the finished product. The number “17” refers to the percent meat protein (determined by Laboratory analysis) that is present in the non-fat portion of the finished product. This number does not denote the amount of real ham in a product.

Got it?  MrConsumer still doesn’t and he gives up.

So let’s toast Clara Peller with some ham flavored water at being much better at getting answers to “where’s the beef” than MrConsumer is about finding out “where’s the ham.” 

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Kellogg’s Special K2O Water: Lose Up to 6 lbs* ?

special kwater small At the beginning of the new year, many people are diet-conscious. That makes it a good time to promote new weight loss products.

So, don’t be surprised if you are bombarded with ads for Kellogg’s new protein water called Special K2O Protein Water.

It seems to be a diet drink to help you lose some significant weight rather quickly. “Losing up to 6 lbs in 2 weeks* Just Got Easier” the ad proclaims. [SmartSource insert 1/7/07]

When one follows the asterisk after the weight loss claim, one discovers that losing that weight has little to do with consuming the advertised water:

*MOUSE PRINT:

special k2o disclaimer

So it is not that you drink this protein water to lose six pounds, but rather you must eat two bowls of cereal (presumably Special K) instead of two regular meals per day. The water helps account possibly for the extra pound of weight loss in their claim if used as a substitute for other higher calorie snacks, but it certainly is not the means to lose the six pounds promoted.

Using the Kellogg’s philosophy, a computer company could advertise a laptop and claim it will help you lose up to six pounds (if you eat cereal for two meals a day, and lug around the computer from place to place daily).

Special K2O water, incidentally, contains 50 calories; sugar, whey, and artificial sweetener per 16 oz. bottle. The whey contributes only five grams of protein, which is what you would get from drinking a mere five ounces of milk. And, the protein water is not cheap — it is $1.25 to $1.50 per bottle on sale.

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Quaker Oats: Reduces Cholesterol by 75%* ?

Quaker packageScientific studies have repeatedly proven that eating oatmeal regularly can help reduce your cholesterol. So, it is not surprising to see Quaker Oats making such health claims.

They say “it’s a unique whole grain food that goes in and actually soaks up excess cholesterol and removes it from your body.”  And, referring to the quaker pictured on the package, “your cholesterol trembles just at the sight of him.” [Newsweek ad, October 16, 2006]

How much can you lower your cholesterol? Here’s their chart:

Quaker chart 1

The chart makes it look like the drop is dramatic from week one to week four — about a 75% reduction.

*MOUSE PRINT: In their “representative” sample, cholesterol was only actually reduced from about 209 to 198 — a drop of only 11 points, or about 5%.

How can that be because their chart makes it look like a huge drop?  For the answer, you have to go back to high school math. Remember when the teacher said you always have to start the y axis (the left side going up) at zero on any chart or you will give people an erroneous impression?  Well, you have just been skewed by Quaker.

Creating a chart that does start at zero would look like this:

Quaker chart 2

In this chart, one can clearly see the actual point drop in overall cholesterol is rather small. That is not to say that dropping 11 points is bad. Lowering your cholesterol is a good thing. 

What isn’t good is giving the casual reader a misimpression of the effectiveness of eating oatmeal as a means of lowering one’s cholesterol.Â