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Spirit Airlines: Buy One Ticket, Get One Free (Eventually)

Spirit BOGONothing draws attention like a “Buy One, Get One” free offer from an airline. Recently, Spirit Airlines ran a two and a half day sale, from December 22 -24, promising just that.

The asterisk leads to the inevitable phrase:

*MOUSE PRINT: “Additional terms and conditions apply.”

One expects there to be rules such as registering for the promotion on their website, being a member of their frequent flier program, etc.  What travelers may not have expected was lurking in the fine print.

*MOUSE PRINT:

On or about 7/15/2009 Spirit will e-mail qualified vouchers.

[Spririt will] issue a voucher in the name of the passenger that traveled in the amount of the reservation purchased less taxes and fees (please note that for domestic tickets the base fare includes 7 ½% Federal Excise Tax which will also not be included in the created voucher). 

Translation: You have to wait until seven months from purchase — next July 15th — to get your voucher!  It is not for the full price you paid. And further down in the fine print is the notation that the “free trip” is only good Sept 9, 2009 through November 18, 2009 — nine to eleven months after purchase.  The voucher will also be sent in your name and is not transferable.

Who knows if Spirit Airlines will even be in business next fall?

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Retail Return Policies 2008: The Fine Print

Return policies in some cases are more lenient this year, but in others, they are more strict than ever. An example of the latter is the Buy.com policy, that used to be called “easy returns”.  This year they could just have well have renamed it “hard as nails” returns.  Note the almost nastiness of the wording at the beginning:

*MOUSE PRINT:

Returns Must Meet ALL Applicable Criteria
If your returned product does not match all applicable criteria listed below, it will be rejected by our Returns Warehouse and returned back to you at your cost. Consequently, your RMA will be nullified, any credit request will be denied, replacement orders will not be made, and you will be charged for all shipping to and from our Returns Warehouse that may be incurred by Buy.com. By requesting an RMA and/or shipping a return in violation of this policy you hereby agree to accept our shipment of the return back to you and to the payment of all shipping costs to and from our Returns Warehouse. Our arrangements with our suppliers and manufacturers allow us no room to make exceptions.

Before you make a return, therefore, you better understand the particular store’s rules (including restocking fees), so you will know what you are  or are not entitled to.

Here is a list of leading retailers with generous regular return policies and those with extended holiday return periods (so you may be able to grab the after Christmas bargains rather than wait in long return lines just after the holiday).

*MOUSE PRINT:

Holiday Return Deadlines and Restocking Fees

Amazon.com Jan. 31 (most items shipped 11/01 through 12/31). 15% restocking fee on open computers. Additional rules may apply.
Best Buy January 24 for most purchases Nov. 1 or later; Jan. 8 for cameras, gps, monitors, etc.; Only 14 days from purchase for computers. 15% restocking fees on certain opened items.
Circuit City Jan. 31 all items bought since Nov. 2; 15% restocking fee on open computers, cameras, etc.
Costco No deadline (but 90 days for TVs, computers, cameras, port. music players, cell, projectors)
Kohl’s No deadline (with receipt)
Macy’s 180 days from purchase; 10% restocking fee on furniture.
Marshalls January 5 (for purchases Oct. 26 – Dec. 5).
Overstock.com January 31 for most items purchased Nov. 1 or later. Fees apply if opened, used, or late.
Sears 120 days if purchased 11/16-12/23; 30 days for electronics, software, beds; 15% restocking fee on electronics if missing items, built-in appliances, and certain special order goods.
Staples No deadline for office supplies. (January 10 for electronics & furniture bought since Nov. 28)
TJ Maxx January 5 (for purchases Oct. 26 – Dec. 5).
Target 90 days from purchase (15% restocking fee on portable electronics, digital cameras, camcorders; specially marked clearance items only qualify for current sale price).
Toys R Us 90 days most items (45 days for unopened electronics, video products, collectibles, more; if opened, identical exchange only).
Wal-Mart 90 days (15 days [PCs, portable players, gps], 30 days [cameras], or 45 days [PC accessories.])

Many happy returns.

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That Unreadable Jibberish in TV Show Credits

For this holiday week, a change of pace to a lighter subject. Most people don’t read the credits at the end of television programs. Even fewer folks have probably noticed what appears to be a screen full of boilerplate language at the end of the CBS programs “Two and a Half Men” and “The Big Bang Theory.”  The microtype fills the screen and only appears for two seconds.  No one can read it, even if they wanted to, unless you can freeze frame that moment on the screen.

While the casual observer may have assumed this was some type of elaborate copyright notice, in fact, the screens of tiny white letters on a black background are called “vanity cards” authored by the show’s executive producer, Chuck Lorre.  And they change every week.

Here is the very first one he wrote in 1997 when he produced the show Dharma and Greg:

*MOUSE PRINT:

Chuck Lorre

Mr. Lorre has now authored over 200 of these vanity cards, that range from Seinfeldian rants about nothing, to chiding the brass at CBS for some slight, and everything in between.

Even the Wall Street Journal noticed his two-second treatises and wrote a story about them.  For a slide show of a few vanity cards, click here. His entire collection of vanity cards is immortalized on Chuck Lorre’s own website.  Enjoy.

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