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Thanks for Nothing — Winter 2022

We continue our series of little annoyances about ads, products, and offers that are irritating, real head-scratchers, or just downright misleading. This time around, we concentrate on some not-so-funny class action lawsuits that all make the same point — you can’t always believe the big print on the front of the product.

Example #1 — Blue Diamond Smoked Almonds

For nut lovers, smoked almonds are a real treat… like these Blue Diamond smokehouse almonds.

Blue Diamond Smokehouse

A more careful inspection of the product label reveals a surprise, however.

*MOUSE PRINT:

ingredients

That’s right, it appears that the nuts are merely smoke-flavored rather than actually smoked. And of course, the matter is the subject of an ongoing class action lawsuit. Likewise, a similar lawsuit was just filed against Family Dollar for labeling its store brand almonds as “smoked” when they are really just smoke- flavored. Thanks for nothing, Blue Diamond and Family Dollar.

Example #2 — Poland Spring Water

It has been going on for close to four years now that consumers have alleged in a class action lawsuit that Poland Spring water is not really “100% natural spring water” as the product promises.

Poland Spring

*MOUSE PRINT:

According to the Food and Drug Administration, if bottled water is to be sold as “spring water,” it must be “derived from an underground formation from which water flows naturally to the surface of the earth,” and there must be a “natural force causing the water to flow to the surface through a natural orifice.”

The consumers and their lawyers in this case say Poland Spring water doesn’t meet the federal definition because it is really ground and surface water from a bunch of artificial springs in Maine.

The latest development in the case is that the period of time for which the company could be held liable if ruled against is only three years. When you can’t believe the front product label that this is “spring water” (if that turns out to be so), thanks for nothing, Nestlé (now known as Blue Triton Brands).

Example #3– Macy’s Sheets Thread Count

The plaintiffs in this case are two dissatisfied customers who claim that the bed sheets they purchased at Macy’s in California and Missouri, respectively, were labeled with inflated thread counts.

Macy's sheets

*MOUSE PRINT:

One of them claims that her 900 thread-count sheets were actually 249 thread-count and the other claims that her 1000 thread-count sheets were “far less.”

The California part of this long-running case has been allowed to proceed as the judge certified the class of consumers. If what this consumer claims is so, then the thread counts on various sheets are wildly inflated. Since that is the primary way that most shoppers judge the quality of sheets along with material used, thanks for nothing, Macy’s.

If you find a product that has been grossly mispresented on the label, or another type of ad that is just outrageous or funny, please submit it to: edgar (at symbol) MousePrint.org . Thanks.

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Not Reading Terms of Service Can Have Devilish Consequences

A few years ago, two professors conducted a study with over 500 students to see if they would take the time to read the privacy policy(PP) and terms of service(TOS) agreement of a fictitious social networking site they created called NameDrop.

To no one’s surprise, almost everyone spent no more than a minute or so reading each policy and then clicked the accept button. In fact, 97% accepted the PP and 93% agreed to the TOS.

Buried in the TOS were two devilish provisions, however:

*MOUSE PRINT:

3.1.1 NameDrop Data […] Any and all data generated and/or collected by NameDrop, by any means, may be shared with third parties. For example, NameDrop may be required to share data with government agencies, including the U.S. National Security Agency, and other security agencies in the United States and abroad. NameDrop may also choose to share data with third parties involved in the development of data products designed to assess eligibility. This could impact eligibility in the following areas: employment, financial service (bank loans, insurance, etc.), university entrance, international travel, the criminal justice system, etc. Under no circumstances will NameDrop be liable for any eventual decision made as a result of NameDrop data sharing.

This one said that NameDrop may share all the user’s information with the National Security Agency, other agencies, third parties, and possible employers.

*MOUSE PRINT:

2.3.1 Payment types (child assignment clause): In addition to any monetary payment that the user may make to NameDrop, by agreeing to these Terms of Service, and in exchange for service, all users of this site agree to immediately assign their first-born child to NameDrop, Inc. If the user does not yet have children, this agreement will be enforceable until the year 2050. All individuals assigned to NameDrop automatically become the property of NameDrop, Inc. No exceptions.

This provision provided that applicants would assign their first born-child to NameDrop.

As it turned out, 98% of the students missed these gotcha clauses. And aren’t we all likely just as guilty?

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Enterprise Charged Him $3,300 for Damage Done AFTER He Returned His Rental Car

It sounds like the definition of chutzpah. A fellow in Canada rented a truck from Enterprise for a few hours. He returned it after the location had closed, parking it in their lot, and put the keys in their lockbox for after-hour returns. A week later, he got a bill for $3,300 for damage that was done after he returned the truck.

How in the world could they charge the renter for subsequent damage?

*MOUSE PRINT:

rental damage

That’s right, tucked in the rental contract is an unexpected provision that the renter is responsible for any damage done to the vehicle until the vehicle is actually checked back in by an Enterprise employee.

But there is good news. After CBC started asking questions about this questionable practice, Enterprise relented and cancelled the consumer’s bill. But there is bad news: this provision is common to agreements of the major car rental companies. So do try to avoid returning any rental cars after hours.

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