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Just in time for April Fools’ Day this week, a company called Simulate has created a catchy slogan to promote their plant-based chicken nuggets.
Since chicken nuggets are not exactly a health food even if plant-based, the company just comes right out and says it in big type:
NOT *MOUSE PRINT:
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A few years ago, two professors conducted a study with over 500 students to see if they would take the time to read the privacy policy(PP) and terms of service(TOS) agreement of a fictitious social networking site they created called NameDrop.
To no one’s surprise, almost everyone spent no more than a minute or so reading each policy and then clicked the accept button. In fact, 97% accepted the PP and 93% agreed to the TOS.
Buried in the TOS were two devilish provisions, however:
*MOUSE PRINT:
3.1.1 NameDrop Data […] Any and all data generated and/or collected by NameDrop, by any means, may be shared with third parties. For example, NameDrop may be required to share data with government agencies, including the U.S. National Security Agency, and other security agencies in the United States and abroad. NameDrop may also choose to share data with third parties involved in the development of data products designed to assess eligibility. This could impact eligibility in the following areas: employment, financial service (bank loans, insurance, etc.), university entrance, international travel, the criminal justice system, etc. Under no circumstances will NameDrop be liable for any eventual decision made as a result of NameDrop data sharing.
This one said that NameDrop may share all the user’s information with the National Security Agency, other agencies, third parties, and possible employers.
*MOUSE PRINT:
2.3.1 Payment types (child assignment clause): In addition to any monetary payment that the user may make to NameDrop, by agreeing to these Terms of Service, and in exchange for service, all users of this site agree to immediately assign their first-born child to NameDrop, Inc. If the user does not yet have children, this agreement will be enforceable until the year 2050. All individuals assigned to NameDrop automatically become the property of NameDrop, Inc. No exceptions.
This provision provided that applicants would assign their first born-child to NameDrop.
As it turned out, 98% of the students missed these gotcha clauses. And aren’t we all likely just as guilty?
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We continue our series of little annoyances about ads and offers that are often real head-scratchers and might make you chuckle.
| Example #1 — $10 Off at Amazon |
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MrConsumer recently received an email from Amazon with a genuinely great-sounding offer that promised $10 off if you tried their delivery service that sends your order to a pick-up location rather than to your home.
The email had a time-stamp of 6:21 p.m. Coincidentally, I was checking email when the offer came in and immediately clicked the “Claim $10 off now” button. The result:
What? Offer over? It arrived in my mailbox less than a minute earlier.
*MOUSE PRINT:
So this was a speed test? I had to click even faster than less than a minute after receipt? Thanks for nothing, Amazon.
| Example #2 — Pants Under $5 at Gap |
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It looked like such a great deal — a pair of Dockers slacks for less than $10 and with a coupon, the price came down to $4.97. Who could resist? The disclosure at the bottom of the ad killed the deal.
*MOUSE PRINT:
What? Order the pants in October but they won’t arrive until February … if you’re lucky? Thanks for nothing, Gap.
| Example #3 — Advertorials Fool Google News |
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When searching Google News for consumer stories one expects to find legitimate consumer news. But, here’s an excerpt from one recent search.
*MOUSE PRINT:
All three of these “stories” appeared at local newspaper sites around the country but are really advertisements for keto and CBD pills masquerading as reviews of these products. They were able to fool Google’s algorithm that presumably tries to distinguish between bona fide news and advertisements. (And if you think Bing is any better, think again.) Thanks for nothing, Google (and Bing).
| Example #4 — Proof Apple Products Are Overpriced |
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Apple products tend to be very expensive whether it is a new iPhone for over $1,000 or one of their new laptops just unveiled last week for about $2,500. Also introduced was this polishing cloth said to be good for cleaning all Apple display screens.
Of course, you should only use genuine Apple accessories with your Apple products. And at “only $19,” imagine the profit that Apple is making on this schmatta (Yiddish for “little piece of cloth or rag”). Thanks for nothing, Apple.
| Example #5 — Hanukkah, Passover, It’s All the Same |
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Speaking of Yiddish, for some people, it is hard to keep all the Jewish holidays straight in their mind. But those folks are the last ones who should design Jewish-themed products or advertise chazarai (Yiddish for “junk”) like this on a national website.
Thanks for nothing, Bed, Bath & Beyond and Designs Direct. But do enjoy Hanukkah in December, and Passover (“why is this night…”) in April.
If you find an example of an offer suitable for our “Thanks for Nothing” series, please email it to edgar (at symbol) MousePrint.org . Thanks.