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In this series, we look at ads or products that just make you shake your head and maybe even chuckle.
Natrol 3 a.m. Melatonin
MrConsumer has a sleep disorder of sorts where he often wakes up in the middle of the night and has a hard time falling back to sleep. So when he saw this product called Natrol 3 a.m. Melatonin he got all excited. “For middle of the night wakeups” the package said.
Yeah, finally someone was making a product to keep me from waking up at 3 a.m. Presumably the product had some type of heavy-duty delay-release coating on it so it could deliver a big punch of melatonin in the middle of the night. I grabbed a coupon and was about to head out to Walmart, but then I read the instructions on the package.
*MOUSE PRINT:

Oh, so I have to get out of bed at 3 a.m. to take this pill and then it will help me get back to sleep. Thanks for nothing, Natrol.
Amazon – Frequently Bought Together
Amazon and other sellers always like to encourage people to buy more things during their shopping trip. One way is to group things together, such as showing a particular toy along with the batteries that it requires. That can be very helpful. But this recent example from Amazon is a head-scratcher.
*MOUSE PRINT:

Yes, I am sure that many people buy a bidet, washing machine cleaning tablets, and a cast iron skillet so they can be used together. Thanks for nothing, Amazon.
From the Installment Sales Department…
Has it really gotten to the point where people have to buy everyday products like underwear on the installment plan?
*MOUSE PRINT:

If anything had to be offered on installments it would be this Dyson hair dryer.

Good news… the price has now dropped to a mere $400.
Thanks for nothing, 2(x)ist and Dyson.
No, you do NOT have to wake up at 3:00 AM to take the melatonin product. It’s for those who wake up early; you take it then. But be sure you have three or more hours before you need to get up. (If you wake up at five but want to get up at six, then don’t take it)
Those melatonin instructions are priceless. People who need it know the product is only useful if you take it much before bedtime so they can get to sleep and stay asleep. Mathing at 3am to decide if you should take it leads to disaster.
why is dyson 2xist? Probably a $400.00 hair dryer would most likely be bought by men
Edgar replies: 2(x)ist is the brand of underwear shown, and Dyson is the manufacturer of the hairdryer.
If I am a binariest, does that make me a 2xist? Do I have a “mathing” disorder from interrupted sleep pattern? Happy New Year. We need one.
This 3am melatonin is strictly meant for people who wake up during the middle of the night. You are not to wake yourself up. Otherwise you use regular melatonin. It probably has a lower dose to give you around 3 more hours of sleep at most.
It’s been found that the natural nocturnal pattern for humans is to sleep for four to five hours, wake for an hour or two, then sleep for another three to four. The eight hour pattern is something imposed on us by artificial light and the industrial revolution. Now when I wake up at two or three, I putter around for an hour or two and go back to sleep until seven or so, then wake up alert and rested. Doing something useful with those late night waking hours is a lot better than being overwhelmed with anxiety about not being asleep for a solid eight hours.